International website
After creating and delivering a website as requested I received an email from the owner of the business asking to translate the website.The email was originally from his partner.
“Hey [Owner’s Name] can you ask [my Name] to translate the website to at least 5 or 6 languages?, my son sent me a link to Babelfish and I think it would be a wasted opportunity if we only have the website in English. Seems that this could be done in a couple of hours”
Clients from Hell
Client: ”How much do you charge to install Windows on a computer?”
Me: “$85”
Client: ”Is it going to be legal?”
Me: ”Yes.”
Client: “How much do you charge for a pirated copy?”
Me: ”$10,000 or 10 years in prison.”
Clients From Hell
While developing an affiliate website for one of our mobile network clients, my employer came over and reviewed the site we were building.
Boss: “I think we need to have some sort of avatar on the home page, to welcome the users to the site.”
Me: “Okay, no problem. Was there anything you had in mind?”
Boss: “Well since sex sells, I would like to have a slim, sexy cartoon woman holding a mobile phone.”
[I proceeded to create this sexy avatar.]
Me: “I’ve finished the avatar. Was this what you were after?”
Boss: “That’s nice but it’s not what I was after.”
Me: “Okay. What are you looking for then?”
[My Boss then loaded up his internet browser and Google searched an image of a small, chubby, animated duck holding a mobile phone.]
Me: “I thought you wanted a sexy woman?”
Boss: “I do.”
Me: “So you want a cross between a sexy woman and a fat, yellow duck?”
Clients from Hell
Client: “What is going on with my website? It looks all wrong!”
Me: “It was working just fine yesterday, let’s take a look.”
Us: “Let’s take a look… (We download a page, check out the code). Well, it looks as if someone’s gone in and deleted some of the code that makes the site work.”
Client: “Yeah, that was me, I was getting rid of some of your unnecessary code… why isn’t the site working?”
Clients From Hell
Me: ”When you click on the button it takes you to the Paypal donation page that you set up.”
Client: “What do you mean? I don’t want the donate button to do this, I want it to automatically charge their card. These are seniors they won’t understand this if I don’t. You can’t have them type stuff in.”
Me: “But you wanted to go with Paypal because you couldn’t afford a secured shopping cart website. Either way, at some point they will have to type in their information.”
Client: ”Can’t you just take their credit card information without them knowing? That way they won’t get confused.”
Cat Lover Wanted
I need a php programmer to make a website for my cat. My cat has win many awards, it is very nice cat. I can send you some pictures of it. This will be for your portfolio. There is no pay but if you like cats you will love to do this project for my cat. My cat was on a tv show for cats who like to use toilet and he flush. People will always like to come and see this website, you can get a lot of xposures!
